I think I died a long time ago.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
