That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I would fuck him just for his dog
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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