What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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