Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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