the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
