Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
