You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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