would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Four minutes until I can fart!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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