So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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