Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
