Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
