I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
God I need to hump something, right now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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