Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
