And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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