I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
