i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
