You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
