Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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