Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
