I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
