It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
