I hate your face
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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