Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
