By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Come on in and take your pants off
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