Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
