You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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