Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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