He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
A+ Viking dick
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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