uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
