I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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