Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
