Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
