Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
