She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
