My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
