oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
