new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
