I'd wear matching sweaters with you
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Congratulations! We have a period
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
