So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
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It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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