Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
