remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think i peed on brittanys purse
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
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