i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
