playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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