in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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