I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
