and you said cock pushups were impossible
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
