I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
