Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
