You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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