just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
