I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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