I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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