just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
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i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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