At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I will pee on everything he values.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
