I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
