Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
