somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
